This week there are two match reports. The first is aimed at anyone who doesn’t like to laugh and merely wants a brief, accurate summary of the game. The second is a more traditional Winterbourne style report with the usual jokes and piss taking of the various events that happen on a Saturday afternoon. Please think hard about your level of sensitivity before deciding which report to read. The author takes no responsibility if anyone is offended by the content of the second report.
Report 1 - Winterbourne win against the odds
Winterbourne managed to turn up with only 10 players against Broughton but those 10 dug in to record a superb victory. Broughton batted first and put the Winterbourne bowlers under pressure but they stuck to their task despite only taking a wicket in the 30th over. Martyn Nokes got the breakthrough and followed up with further wickets to finish with 3-28. Jack Brown toiled hard and finished with 2-37. Broughton finished with 187-6 which was a challenging total on a tough pitch.
The Winterbourne innings started well with Jamie Harvey and Matt Shellum but Harvey was soon caught. Shellum was then run out to leave Winterbourne on 43-2. Dave Bates and Justin Whitfield then batted to superbly with an unbeaten 144 run partnership to see Winterbourne home with five overs to spare. A great eight wicket win that was much harder than the scorecard suggests.
WARNING - PLEASE READ ON ONLY IF YOU ACCEPT THAT YOU MAY HAVE THE PISS TAKEN OUT OF YOU….
Report 2 - Winterbourne’s brave army boys tough it out at Broughton
With Winterbourne being let down at the last minute, a ragtag group of 10 players nursing injuries, creaking bones and aborted retirements took to the field against Broughton on their usual interesting looking pitch.
Jack Brown took the new ball and look to test the middle of the pitch with a series of short balls that repeatedly showed the wicket had no pace in it whatsoever. Despite this information, Brown continued to test the theory in his opening spell. At the other end, Ryan Hughes was given the new ball as he was talked out of retirement and had not bowled for 2 months. Broughton’s star batsman Babidge looked to punish any loose deliveries while at the other end Gray looked to occupy the crease. In the 2nd over Hughes found the edge of Babidge’s bat but unfortunately Dan Marsh couldn’t take the chance.
After 10 overs, the score was 42-0 with Winterbourne very much on the back foot and things didn’t change with the introduction of Justin Whitfield who swung the ball well but couldn’t find the breakthrough (5-0-20-0). Captain Nokes somehow marshalling his troops from fine leg pushed Hughes to breaking point making him bowl his eight overs straight through and Hughes finished with 8-1-35-0.
He was replaced by Dave Bates fresh from his dislocated knee only last week, demonstrating the kind of strength that gave Britain its empire. He immediately settled into a good rhythm with a tight line and length. At the half way point Broughton were on 92-0 and Winterbourne looked like they may be in for a hiding. This feeling intensified with the bowling of James Ward who did his best to drum up business for local car repair companies with a series of half trackers and full tosses that were dispatched into the car park. From the boundary, Ward’s dog Jura was heard whimpering and seen covering he eyes with her paws as her masters bowling faltered. Thankfully Ward was put out of his misery after 4-0-32-0.
Finally, Nokes decided it was time to bring out his spears. The change immediately worked as Babidge, totally bamboozled by Winterbourne’s very own Fatima Whitbread holed out to Whitfield in the deep for a good 76. The scoring rate slowed as Nokes took another as Brown took a steepling catch and then Nokes struck again with Marsh redeeming himself for his earlier drop with a good caught behind and finished with 7-0-28-3.
Bates bowled out and was unlucky to finish wicketless (8-1-29-0) as Jamie Harvey dropped one at long on. In the process of dropping it, Harvey damaged his finger, the crack being heard from the other side of the ground and was in such pain that he was rolling on his back kicking his legs in the air like an upturned tortoise. Naturally, the appropriate level of sympathy was given by his concerned teammates who simply let him suffer as he trudged off for some ice. Kindly, Broughton showing great spirit lent a fielder for the duration of the innings showing how the game should be played.
Jack Brown replaced Bates and got rewarded when Hughes surprised everyone in the ground, but most of all himself, by holding on to a sky’er. At the other end, Nokes pinged a great throw in over the stumps from the boundary to secure a run out and then Brown struck again as Ward held onto a catch in the covers.
Broughton finished on 187-6 with opener Gray, limpet like throughout, carrying his bat for just 47 which Winterbourne felt may give them the decisive edge in the 2nd innings. It was a good fielding performance with only 10 players and importantly, but sadly all too unusually, nearly all catches were taken.
Harvey having stemmed the flow of blood from his damaged digit opened the batting with Matt Shellum who was nursing his perpetually broken body. Harvey immediately looked to punish the short ball on the slow pitch and hit a couple of boundaries. However, in only the 5th over he went too hard at one and hit it to mid of where he was unlucky to be caught at the 3rd attempt.
Dave Bates hobbled to the middle having suffered a self-diagnosed case of ‘pad rash’ although extensive googling couldn’t verify if this was an official medical condition. However, Bates toughed it out and set about playing himself in, rotating the strike with Shellum. This was working well until Bates called for a quick single, forgetting that Shellum has spent too long behind a desk and sadly the call of “yes, wait, no” was his undoing as Shellum was run out for a typically scratchy 19.
Another of Britain’s brave boys walked to the wicket as Whitfield joined Bates in the 15th over with the score on 43. The next 20 overs were an absolute exhibition of how to bat on a tricky wicket with good balls respected and the bad balls put away. Thankfully, there as just about one bad ball an over and both batsmen punished it appropriately despite Bates wearing a couple on his body. At the half way point, Winterbourne were on 87-2 leaving 101 required from 120 balls but the scoring rate accelerated as both Bates and Whitfield hit excellent half centuries.
Whitfield did survive a close run out call as having dropped his bat, he launched full length superman style to dive over the line and make his ground. As Whitfield dispatched another ball for four, Winterbourne were victorious with Bates unbeaten on 62 and Whitfield on 72 for a fine 144 run partnership as their team mates saluted their fine performance.
This was an excellent victory in tough circumstances. A man short, various team members struggling with injuries, a broken nail from Harvey and a tough pitch all showed how hard work and great team spirit can drag your team to victory. Well played boys!